Thursday, July 17, 2008

Are you pregnant?

How come whenever you are of childbearing years and sick, people immediately ask, "Are you pregnant?" And then followed by, "Are you sure?" Believe me, I'm sure. Do you want the details or something? Plus, if I were, my baby would be scrambled from an MRI, CT scan, and antibiotics (there I go again sounding like a hypochondriac). My baby would literally be over-easy. Ugh.

I actually find it pretty funny that people ask me, because most people know of The Plan (i.e. house, pay down debt, maybe a new car, a trip abroad, read all the books on New York Times' best-seller list perhaps). Also, unlike most people who can whilly nilly decide to have a kid (you know who you are), there's some planning that has to take place for me. First, I have to switch medications, which involves a very painful switch to a once-a-day shot. I'm holding out as long as possible on that one. My stomach already looks as if I have leprosy from being a human pin cushion. (And if you're wondering: Yes, I give shots in my stomach; it's one of my favorite places because a) it's very accessible; just lift the shirt and stick vs other areas such as the arms which take some twisting or the hips which require moving the boobs out of the way to see what the hell you're doing; b) contrary to what you would think, the stomach is one of the least painful places to give shot; well, unless your body fat index is next to nothing.)

Second reason for holding out: Where would I put the baby? Seriously! We'd be tripping over it, and then end up in the emergency room having to explain why a) the baby was injured from being fallen on, and b) how you trip over a baby in the first place. I'm sure some of you are thinking that a baby doesn't require that much room, but don't be fooled, they come with STUFF. High chairs, clothes they outgrow too quickly, nose sucky things, diapers out the wahzoo, tiny shoes, little bathtubs, swings, stow and goes (a.k.a. Pak and Plays), toys, toys, and more toys.

So until further notice, no, I'm not pregnant, but thanks for asking. Just be careful, my evil, wicked side might come out and say yes just to psych you out. Plus, why do I need to have a baby yet when there will be plenty to go around soon? I'm sure someone would be willing to share.

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