You wouldn't believe how nervous I was to teach yoga. (Even had to do a headstand to ground myself before class.) It put the fear of yoga in my heart, which happened to probably be a good thing as most of my work yogis are beginners and as limber as a plank of wood. I even got the question "How long does it take 'til I get limber? And it made me recall my "beginner mindset," where I didn't know what the hell the teacher was saying to do or how to breathe. As a beginner yogi, you're lost. Your mind is chaotic and screaming, "Why Am I Doing This?!" Or: "How the hell do I: breathe in this pose or do what the teacher is doing, or I can't keep up."
It doesn't sound like it, but that chaos is a beautiful thing. A beautiful journey with an unknown destination. I'm hoping each of my yogis can appreciate the journey and find a love, peace, joy, and compassion like I've found. I don't except all of them will, and many will have Great Expectations to master poses in no time at all. If only we could get rid of the time element, then we would cease to worry about how long something takes to "master." We'd be there to experience the present moment as it comes in us in whatever package.
But as a teacher, I was just as lost as a new student. Internally I was trying to recall the lesson plan I had put together. I had hoped to deliver words of wisdom that have helped guide me to a deeper meaning in my practice. If I delivered any words of wisdom, I can't remember because amazingly enough, my nervous, chaotic brain was in the present moment just as much as my new yogis. We're new yogis together where we're learning from each other. They're practicing poses, and I'm practicing teaching. Both students.
Is it my calling? Too soon to tell, but I walked away just as uplifted. Can't wait for Friday's class.